To start things off, January started off to a some what good start. That was until I was mixed in a Facebook battle of words. The battle was the typical ‘he-said, she-said’ drama. It finally ended on the 22nd of last month when I decided not to engage the person any further. It took me a while to realize that no matter what I said was going to make a lick of difference. My words were twisted around to the point where now that I look back on it, I see that I got confused in some of the things that I said.
Which brings me to the title of this post. ‘I Am Human.’ It sounds like the title of a song, sung by some Indie Rock band from Wisconsin or something (which I am pretty sure it is). But I chose the title because well, because I am human and I make mistakes. The mistakes that I made in the above situation was to allow myself to get angry at what this individual said in the first place, but I know my emotions wouldn’t permit me to do so.
Sadly enough, this was one flaw that I have. I care too much about what people think of me. Even those who don’t really matter. Well, I shouldn’t say that they don’t matter but they don’t effect my life in any way shape or form.
So when he basically said that I was a bad person, I took the statement to heart. Even more so, because the person that I had considered a sister seemed to be siding with him and never once came to my aide. So yeah, I became what the younger folk call “butt hurt” over the entire situation.
I mean I even went so far as to write a Facebook note under another profile and tag her in it with the hope that she read it. Which most likely means that she didn’t. But it doesn’t matter to me. I wanted to get my feelings out there for me. However, after I had a talk with my other half, I began to wonder if the note was written because I wanted to let my feelings out or because I wanted to prove to these two that I wasn’t a bad person like he thought that I was?
I will admit that I am not perfect. I do however have perfectionist like tendencies, but that is as far as it goes with me. In my past I have done some bad things, but then again everyone has done something in their lives that might have been deemed bad in someone else’s eyes. On the other hand, I have done good for others but doing good deeds aren’t supposed to be talked about. Those things are just done without reward.
So, I will be the bad guy in this guy’s eyes. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I continue to strive and do better for myself. In the end he can’t help me better me, I have to do that. So in a sense I do owe him a ‘thank you’ for opening my eyes to a few things about myself. Thank you.