The B Word: What are we teaching our kids?

The B Word
I was listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show this morning and there is a segment called The Strawberry Letter (a segment where listeners can write Steve Harvey and co host Shirley Strawberry about there problems and receive advice). The listener wrote in about a relative who was using abusive language towards his three young daughters. The letter had Mr. Harvey very upset as he himself has daughters. Here is the letter in its entirety.

” Subject: My Uncle addresses his Daughters as B_ _ches (the B word)
Letter:
My uncle is married with a wife and 6 children. With three daughters. He grew up in Chicago Housing Projects. He obtained gainful employment and moved his family out of the projects into a better living situation. He’s been on the job for eight years and his wife is employed. The children are all doing above average in school. He’s a good provider for his family. However, when I come to his house the way he talks to his daughters makes me cringe and is upsetting! His b_ _ch (the B word)training program started when his youngest was 5, middle 7 and oldest at 10 years old. He calls them b_ _ches (the B word) throughout his conversations with them. These are examples of his interactions with them. B_ _ch (the B word) go to the refrigerator and get my beer, b_ _ch (the B word) sweep this floor, b_ _ch (the B word) take this five dollars and go to the store, come here b_ _ch (the B word) etc. Watching them smile when their dad says this to them is interesting to say the least. He says his reasoning for calling them b_ _ches (the B word) repeatedly is to get them use to it so when others call them b_ _ches (the B word) it won’t bother them because they will be use to it. He says it works because when he was growing up, he mother would call his brothers and sisters names and when she would get angry grab her crotch and repeatedly tell them to kiss her butt. You read it correctly. He contributes that to helping him not respond to name calling. Having daughters of my own, this technique is unacceptable but you can’t change how another man runs his home. Should I stop being concerned about it?”

When I heard the letter I was appalled. I couldn’t believe that a father would address his children, particularly his daughters in such a disrespectful manner. We live in a world where calling a woman a b*tch is practically the norm. Women call each other it as if you were calling them by first name. What I don’t understand here is how could he say that he is preparing them for when others call them a b*tch, they wouldn’t let them bother them?

Uh, no. Regardless of what the ‘father’ was trying to do, the outside world is not that kind and will see that as just an excuse to mistreat these young ladies as they get older. And believe me, words can hurt.

Imagine this: you have a child and you refer to them as a b*tch or any other derogatory name often, don’t you think that they would accept it and then when they interact with other children, they bring that kind of negativity with them? The issue here is that this man doesn’t seem to understand the lasting effects this may have on his girls. Or maybe he just doesn’t care, but acting like this is not good parenting.

I think this is a shame that this man would do something like this. We are supposed to be empowering our young girls and guiding them so they can grow up to be well respected women. Not to tell them that its okay for a man to call them out their name. This can end up affected them interacting with any future boyfriends. You put up with dirt, you get dirt. No.

I think that the relative who wrote this should step up and say something. And before you guys say that, he should mind his own business, think about this: Would you feel that way if that was a close relative who spoke like that in front of you to your nieces, even though you have daughters yourself?

What would you do? Below is a Facebook conversation about the letter. Disclaimer: This contents strong language, please be advised.

  • Sam XXXX
    10 hours ago via mobile · Edited
    Morning, FBF! I have a question for those who have children, how would you feel if you visited a relative’s home and you heard them refer to their young daughters as b**ches? Would you speak up or keep quiet? This question was based off a letter read on the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
    1Like · · Promote · Share
  • Ezra XXXX and LourdesXXXXX like this.

  • LourdesXXXXX I would speak up!!
    10 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Sam XXXX Suppose they tell you that it’s their house and they can talk to their children any way they want?
    10 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Barbara XXXX speak up
    10 hours ago · Like
  • LourdesXXXXX I would say yes it is but tht doesnt take away from you being wrong!!
    10 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Daniel XXXX Those same parents should not be surprised when their daughters, one day, turn around and call them less than flattering names, or God forbid, have the same relationship with their own daughters.
    10 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • Finesse XXXX U talkin about this mornings “Strawberry Letter”?
    I THINK HE WUZ A VERY POOR EXCUSE OF A MAN AND AN EVEN POORER EXCUSE OF A PARENT !!!!
    10 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • ,p>

  • Brandon XXXX Speak up
    10 hours ago · Like
  • Sam XXXX Yes, I am Finesse Forbes.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Sam XXXX What if the relative told you that they were preparing their daughters to accept it when others call them the b word.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Michelle XXXX WTF- not good parenting. Parent doesn’t hold a promising future for daughter if already anticipating she will be called bitches in her face. wonder if parent is teaching proper etiquette (doubtful)
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Michelle Huey And yes, I would speak up and question their reasoning
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Sam XXXX The fact that this is a father doing this makes me sick. The reasoning behind it was that his mother used to talk down to him and his siblings. But I wonder if he talks to his 3 sons like this or if the girls are the only ones that get this kind of treatment?
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Wayne XXXXX would not visit them any more
    9 hours ago · Like
  • Sam XXXX Interesting. You would cut ties with them, Wayne?
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Wayne XXXXX yep
    9 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Ezra XXXX Many men view women that way. It’s in the music too. If that’s what he’s calling his daughters, he sees every woman like that.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Sam XXXX A good thing you mentioned that, Ezra because his wife was only mentioned once in the entire letter, so we don’t know if she lets him say this. I think it might have been a nephrew who wrote about his uncle.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Sam XXXX Regardless if you have children or not, no one should be calling a child offensive names period. You can tell me about the whole sticks and stones thing, but once you imprint that kind of stuff in the mind of a 7 year old and you keep reinforcing it, what do you think is going to happen? That’s why we have a lot of these young girls thinking it’s okay to call each other names and act ratchet, because they are being taught that this is acceptable behavior.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Ezra XXXX As a few said earlier, a concerned person should speak up but they would have to be careful doing it. The greater issue, extends past that man’s daughters.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Sam XXXX I agree, there is a way of talking to them. However, there are people who will say to mind your business because it’s not your kids.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Wade XXXX I’ll be Honest with You I wouldn’t say anything unless One they’re Younger than me 2 we’re that close that I feel that I can cause i care about the children.

    otherwise raise those ratchet ass children the way you want to but i won’t deal with them anymore then tell them we don’t rais our childen the same way so i cut off my connections to you. That’s all I’m not comfortable with my child being around that type of language and i won’t tell you how to speak in YOUR OWN HOUSE! so we can’t hang anymore!
    9 hours ago · Unlike · 1

    Sam XXXX For me I don’t care about that, it may be your house but you don’t disrespect any one in front of me. These children aren’t female dogs so why even compare them to an animal? Just because this father has a hang up with his mom, doesn’t mean he had to project his crap onto these young ladies. Then they go to school and bring that same ish there. I can’t tell you how many times I had to tell my 6 graders to stop calling each other offensive words.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like

  • Sam XXXX Thanks, for your voice Wade XXXX. Its hard, because if that was a close family member was like that I would hate to cut them off, but don’t expect that everyone is that accepting of that kind of stuff.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Sam XXXX I wish more people will teach their girls to be young ladies and their boys to young men.
    9 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Shaheed XXXX I would say something. I have been around friends who put their child down and said that it was wrong. They tried to justify saying neg things but I tell them you must teach them, its a reflection of you.
    8 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Wade XXXX Like I said depends how close we are. I didn’t know the full details I’m just going by your original Question.
    but One it’s worse when afathe says it so YEAH I’d say something Like “Wow did you just call” ……Wait Nevermind No I wouldn’t cause i don’t have friends like that and never would. So it would never happen!
    If I saw a complete stranger do it then yes I’d say something It’s different when a man does it to their daughter! when a women dos she’s she’s already demoralized so I can’t talk sense to her. but A man I’d tell him look none of my buisness but Calling your daughter a bith will only result in her lower elf asteem and cause a lot of issues in her life growing as a woman who willnever see herself worth You may want to think about the impact your language can have on her growing up if you REALLY LOVE HER!
    If he says Mind your buisness then I’ll tell him you made it may buisness when you publicly called your daughter out of her name in my presennce.
    So you don’t have to change the way you spaek for my sake but for your daughters sake BUT YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT THEM IN FRONT OF ME.

    after that well remains to seen.

    I’ve spoken to men on the train who curse in front of my son on 2 occasions it almost got physicall but maybe not THUG or not you know who to fuck with and who not to and they knew I wasn’t the one!
    8 hours ago · Like

  • Sam XXXX The situation you proposed makes sense, if it was a public place. I have seen parents doing that to their kids and thought what is the point in doing that in public where someone can intervene. But what can you do?
    7 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Keesha XXXX I would say something. If you don’t treat your children with respect, the only thing they are learning is to accept disrespect from other people. Respect starts in the house. And if you call your children degrading names, they will start allowing others to degrade them in the same way.
    7 hours ago · Unlike · 3
  • Keesha XXXX DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING POST HAS CURSING AND MAY OFFEND SOME PEOPLE READING THIS. IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE EYES, PLEASE DO NOT READ MY POST.. . .

    Shit like this makes my blood boil. Babies do not ask to be here. You bring them into the world. People like this individual is why the world is the way it is today. Who do you think you are to call your child a bitch? If at a young age, you’re calling her a bitch, whore, slut and cunt are not too far behind that word. When you put labels on your OWN children this way, you have number one, no respect for the gifts of these children, and number two, you teach them that nobody else will ever have respect for them. I’m sure he’s the kind of man that will end up (if he’s not already doing so) beating these little girls to show his frustration. No. It’s not okay to transfer your anger towards your mother onto your own children, because then the cycle never ends. This is why there’s no hope for us as a species.
    7 hours ago · Unlike · 4

  • Wade XXXX Who is this Beautiful woman above me ^^^who speaks truth so elgantly?
    7 hours ago · Like
  • Keesha XXXX Ha. I don’t know about all of that, but I just like to keep it real. I have a little girl and my husband and I would never even think of speaking to her like that. It’s just really upsetting hearing how these disgusting people treat their babies. Mothers and fathers should be protecting their children. And stuff like that is not protecting them in any way, shape or form.
    7 hours ago · Like · 2
  • Yvonne XXXX I’d cuss them the fuck out
    5 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • Sam XXXX You are absolutely right, Keesh. I don’t know what is wrong with people nowadays. But I am glad to know that I have people on here that give a Damn about kids regardless if they are a parent or not.
    5 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • Sam XXXX If anyone would like to comment feel free, but I have to step away because I’m at work.
    5 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • The Strawberry Letter was originally posted on http://www.steveharvey.com. I do not not own the rights.

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