Quest to Getting Back on my Horse #35: Expectations

Hey guys,

It’s Friday! Finally the work week is over me and for so many people. I don’t mean to boast, but sometimes you have to. Especially, when your job drives you up a wall. There are moments (many moments) when I ask myself, ‘What have you gotten yourself into?’ I never really get a definitive answer, so I just chalk it up to the idea, ‘It’s a job.’

After my decision to leave the job in Queens, I had felt that I had made the best choice for myself. It was a new place of work. I could start over fresh. I didn’t have to worry about much. Those thoughts I still held on to four days into the new job.

After the next week, everything changed. It seemed like everything was worse than last job. The only major difference was there was no divide of the work staff. However, it wasn’t exactly all of us singing around the campfire singing ‘Cumbahya.’

The reason for this was because most of their staff had quit prior to me coming here and the director that hired me was sent elsewhere. So I was left thinking, ‘Did I just come aboard a sinking ship?’ Oh boy!

As the days progressed, I became increasingly satisfied with the job and what I was doing. Redundancy and coupled with not doing much of what you are hired to do, kind of put me in a place of ‘What the hell am I really doing here?’

It wasn’t until a co-worker transferred to another location then it really hit me. She was right! She felt like she wasn’t being used to her full capacity and it was beginning to feel like what issues you may have were not being heard and dealt with. So she left.

It sucked not having her here, because I used to talk to her a lot about the program and how I wished it would change. Now, it seems there is a only a glimmer of hope that it would turn around and be something to brag about to your friends after hours, instead of the ‘I can’t believe this kid did this?’ monologue.

I think it is hard to do this…working with kids sometimes. You may not click with every child. Lord knows, there is one child that if he had his choice I would be burned at the stake. (Maybe that is a bit extreme.) We just don’t vibe well together, and that’s fine. I made my peace with that a long time ago.

These past few months really made me think about expectations vs reality. What I wanted was different to what is happening. It feels a lot tougher than it did in Queens. Or maybe I’m beginning to see for real this time that maybe, just maybe that this line of work isn’t for me anymore…or maybe never was.

Expectations can be a bitch man.

What do you think?



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